My name is Barbara Millicent Roberts, but you can call me Barbie. My hair hasn't changed in more than half a century; my breasts are now perkier than ever. I am 53 years old.
You could say I'm a cultural icon. Andy Warhol once painted me, and I've been in a couple of movies with Tom Hanks. I married someone I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, but he wasn't who I thought he was and took off in my pink convertible, never to be seen again.
I lived in Malibu with my friend Stacy for a while in something I can only call a dream house. But the hot sun was making my skin melt, so I moved to Chicago. I heard the improv scene was really good here, and I do have some acting experience, so I thought I'd give it a shot. Turns out, they want more than just a "pretty face," so I've been keeping a relatively low profile these days-living in a penthouse in the Gold Coast and doing a lot of yoga. I'm also working on my memoir-it's called "I No Longer Love Shopping and Pizza"-and dating a much younger man. I haven't told him my real age-what's the point? He wouldn't believe me anyway.
My life had been going pretty smoothly, until I saw HER: Valeria Lukyanova, some sad 21-year-old Ukrainian girl who is going around telling everyone that she's me.
I get it. Some people think of me as a role model-practically every woman (and some men) I've met says she loved me when she was growing up. But to actually become me? Now that's something I wouldn't recommend.
First, it's impossible. Have you seen me? Do you know my proportions? I know I talk about pizza all the time, but do you think I've ever actually eaten it? I haven't eaten anything in 10 years. I don't even have to wear a bra; it's like my body is impervious to the laws of gravity.
Second, my life is not as glamorous as it seems. In fact, there's been a lot of pain in my past. Somewhere along my career, I just started to feel like I was an object to people. Sure, I worked as a flight attendant, a doctor and, one year, as an African princess, but it always felt like the focus was on my looks and less on my ability as a person.
I am more than a pretty face whose measurements are forever 36-18-33. I am an avid rock climber, a voracious reader (I just finished "The Art of War") and recently became a Buddhist. And I have to say, doing these things in the twilight of my life is so much more rewarding than my "perfect" youth in Malibu. If I could do it all over again, I would never have chosen the celebrity path.
I feel sorry for you, Valeria. You are so young. You have your whole life ahead of you-a life that doesn't have to be pumped full of collagen and silicon. Be anything else-a flight attendant, a doctor, an African princess. If you don't, like me, you'll soon realize that a life of plastic is anything but fantastic.
JEN KIM IS A REDEYE SPECIAL CONTRIBUTOR.
(Photo from www.facebook.com/ValeriaLukyanova)
Source: http://www.redeyechicago.com/news/ct-red-0525-barbie-20120524,0,3614431.story?track=rss
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